Thought I would post this before we play any more matches.

Yorkshire Wife

Briony picked this up on her way home this evening. It's very good. If you click on it, you can see it in a larger size.

Les Follicules De La Folie

I went to see Mesrine:Part One today. A fantastic film, I heartily reccommend it. I eagerly anticipate the release of Mesrine:Part Two later this month. There was only one aspect of the film that displeased me - Vincent Cassel's moustache.

More specifically, Vincent Cassel's moustache annoyed me between 1959 and 1968. After that *spoiler alert* he grew it out a little and it stopped annoying me. For the first hour of the film, however, it appears that Cassel is attempting to balance an anemic, over-fastidiously manicured hyphen on his upper lip. It's totally out of keeping with the character he's playing. It's not the moustache of a violent criminal, it's the moustache of an aging, prissy, pensions adviser.

Nothing in the history of cinema has been so distracting. I spent a substantial part of the film wondering why the other characters weren't pointing and laughing at him.

Here's a quote for the poster: "Vincent Cassell as Mesrine sports the most ridiculous piece of face furniture I've ever seen." - Marc Fearns.

We do not keep coal in the bath.

Image via Wikipedia

A poll by tissue product manufacturer SCA has found that 41.1% of British men and 33.1% of British women do not have a bath or a shower every day. The poll also found that the dirtiest people in Britain live in Yorkshire where 16% of people bathe or shower once or twice a week and only 54% of people bathe or shower daily.

I am appalled by this and would like to point out that in the Fearns household we are in the 54% that bathe or shower daily. I know that not everyone is as conscientious with regard to their personal hygiene as we are.

A couple of years ago, a friend was visiting us. Briony and I took him into the York branch of Lush (yes, we have one). He scrutinised a bar of soap for many seconds before picking it up. He then turned to the sales assistant and asked, in a tone which made it seem that he was wholly unfamiliar with the substance, "Is this soap?" He was somewhat put out by her response which was hysterical laughter. He turned to Briony and I for support to discover Briony had dissolved into a giggling fit and that tears of laughter were rolling down my cheeks. He maintains to this day that it was a reasonable question because "It's hard to tell what's soap and what isn't in there."

Anyway, I digress. I just wanted to point out that we bathe regularly and that we smell nice.

Twitter Is Down!

I returned home an hour ago to discover that Twitter is down. This is terrible. I need to discuss why Twitter is down with other Twitter users but I can't because Twitter is down.

I'm going to have to do something productive instead possibly involving a large owl, food shopping or the cat. I might even have to resort to actual conversation.

I'll come back and check every few minutes, just in case.

Update : No Twitter +1:47

Wife and cat are both asleep so actual conversation attempts thwarted. Food shopping stymied for same reason. Large owl updates hampered by lack of Twitter.

I have loaded the dishwasher and started preparing dinner. I have eaten some Grape Nuts and have made a cup of herbal tea. The weather is overcast. I may go for a cycle ride.

I feel disconnected and bereft of social interaction.

Does Stephen Fry even exist any more? Do I exist any more? Do you?

Update : No Twitter +2:13

What was the world like before Twitter? How did we interact? What did we do?

The Large Owl: Part Two

Rodent!

That's a capybara, a giant South American rodent. They can grow as long as 1.3 metres and weigh up to 65 kilograms. They have teeth.

In conversation earlier, my wife informed me that there had been sightings of these creatures living wild in Britain. I was disturbed by this information; I really don't need another animal to fear while cycling.

There is no need to become hysterical. The solution came to me quite quickly. What we need is a large owl.