Wife-or-Cat Sound.

I invented a new game earlier: It's called Wife-or-Cat Sound. It's not as good as Red Trousers, but then what is?

To play Wife-or-Cat Sound you will need three things:  A wife - don't worry if you don't have one one of these, any other person will do - a cat - don't worry if you don't have one of these either, another animal (or even a second person will suffice) - and a bathroom.

Draw yourself a bath, then disrobe and get into it.  When you have completed your usual bathing routine, stay in the bath.  While you're lying there, listen to the noises emanating from the rest of the house (or flat, or wherever it is that you live).  When you hear a sound, try to discern - in the first half second of hearing it - whether it is a Wife-or-Cat Sound (it's surprisingly difficult - I attributed the noise of the cat's scratching-post to my wife more than once).

Wife-or-Cat Sound has a points-based scoring system.  Award yourself five points for correctly-attributed sounds and take five points away for incorrectly-attributed sounds.  The winner is the person who realises that they should get out of the bath and go to the pub.