Call A Cycleogist.

I like cycling.  I find that riding a bicycle is a carefree and fun experience.  It's a liberating and refreshing feeling, to leave the baggage of day to day life behind (both physical and emotional) and concentrate on a simple activity.

When cycling I carry three things; a phone (for emergencies), the house keys (for domestic access purposes) and some cash (for emergencies or beverages).  I know that some cyclists carry a few more things than I do, my friend Bees carries a puncture repair kit, for example, and my friend Brad carries a pie (probably).

Today I got a puncture; fortunately I got home before the tyre deflated.  So this evening I looked at an online cycling forum to see if anyone could recommend a puncture repair kit.  In the thread I was looking at, one rider stated that in addition to carrying a puncture repair kit when he rode, he also carried a spare inner tube.  The next man posted this response:

I carry this :-
1 P*ncture repair kit
1 allan keys
1 set of tyre levers + 2 spare
3 inner tubes
Folding tyre
Tyre patches
1 small head torch in winter
marigold gloves
Small length of chain (3 inches)
1 small chain tool
Cassette tool and chain whip
Spare spokes
Kevlar spoke
Spare nuts, bolts, powerlinks
Wire cutters
2 small screw drivers
Small sockets to fit screw driver handle
First aid kit with triangular bandage paracetamol, co-codamol, gaviscon tablets
Batteries for rear light and computer and bulbs
Small tyre pump (not mini)
1 Co2 pump
Zip ties
spare keys for house, bike locks
Pen and paper
10 sheets of kitchen roll
Very small bottle of hand cleaner
Insulation tape
£5 in small change
Small roll of gaffer tape
Brake and gear cables
Spare bite valve for camalbac
Small roll string
Spare gloves

I find almost every item on this list baffling, it raises more questions than I could possibly go into here, I'll limit myself to one query.

Marigold gloves + spare gloves (non-Marigold)?  That's six gloves!  That's too many.  What are the Marigold gloves for anyway?  I've encountered many things when cycling; cows, horses, badly driven cars, fallen trees.  What I've never encountered is the washing up.  Not even a couple of spoons and a bowl. Never.

If you wish to query any of the other items on the list, please do so via the comments section.


Jonathan said...

1. Why take spare keys for the house and not your normal keys?
2. Cassette tool? What is wrong with an iPod tool?
3. He would find it much easier to cycle with this stuff if he had a bag.

To sum up. This guy is a plank.

Marc said...

I agree, Jon. He probably has a plank too. I wonder why he doesn't just strap a spare bicycle to his back and be done with it.

Sarah said...

You mean you don't carry your book with you?

Simon said...

1. Are the wire cutters in case he finds his path blocked by a fence and can't be bothered to go round it?

2.The fact that he carries 3 spare inner tubes and 3 sets of tyre leavers leads me to believe that he is, in fact, a tricyclist - and probably has a trailer too.

Marc said...

Sarah, I was tempted but realised that reading a book would increase the likelihood of my riding into a cow. Or the river.

Simon, good points. The fact that he is a lunatic leads me to believe that he, in fact, carries the moon in his trailer.

sparkymarky1973 said...

Where he says batteries for rear light, computer and bulbs- am I being silly but since when did bulbs need batteries? And isn't a computer a bit heavy to fit on a bike? Surely this would compromise him far more than you taking your book along would (though it does look to be a heavy book!)

The fact that he carries gaffer tape also suggests to me he is quite possibly a serial rapist/ murderer and that you should probably forward his details to the police for his own good!

sparkymarky1973 said...

by the way today is my birthday, no connection just thought I would mention it so that everyone can send me their condolences....

Marc said...

Sparkymarky1973, happy 36th birthday. I expect he takes the computer along so that he can buy more cycling gear online while he cycles. It's probably not even a wireless connection, I imagine that it's connected by a very long lead.

Also, I thought that serial rapists/murderers preferred duct tape for its greater adhesive properties. I'm no expert though.

Jonathan said...

Sparkymarky1973. Happy Birthday! I always find that making comments about serial rapists on my birthday adds a whole new dimension to proceedings.

And when I say 'serial rapists on my birthday', I mean 'serial rapists on the date of birthday', not 'serial rapists on my birthday'. All clear? Good.

Marc said...

Damn, I rather jumped the gun there, Jonathan. I thought that was an unsubtle hint about your desired birthday present. Do I have to take them back to the shop now?

sparkymarky1973 said...

hope you kept the recipt......

Digger said...

there are many worrying things on the list - but I just pick one - why specify the shape if his bandage as triangular? Does he expect to be catapulted over his handlebars and get spiked on an upturned toblerone?

Marc said...

Sparkymarky1973, always.

Digger, Perhaps he has a triangular head. That would explain quite a lot.